I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
