You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
