OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Found your dick twin last night
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
