Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
