You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
