his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
