I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
