Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
