it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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