so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
