I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
