I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
