Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
