I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
