So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
