NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Randomize