I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
