perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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