Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
