I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry about my life...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
