We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
