you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
