Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
