Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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