so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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