her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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