no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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