He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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