So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
