there's paper in my vomit.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
