I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
