found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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