Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
