dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
