I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
