I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
