Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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