And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
