I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Someone came in the potted fern
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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