Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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