Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
