last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize