I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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