I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
