I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
