I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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