ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
