It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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