I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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