so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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