My cat gives me a boner
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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