So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
