He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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