He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
