Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
