He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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