I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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