I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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