Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
