yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Be still, my beating vagina.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
