I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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