i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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