i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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