I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
