I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
