I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
