Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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