So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
