I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize