There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
