Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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