we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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