dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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