3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
