His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
