My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
