nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
