Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
